A Conversation With My Government

  "Hello, government. I'm calling about your decision to give those three sisters a year's stay here. You know, the three who were to be deported in a week."
  "Yes."
  "Yes. I need you to answer me some questions. I need to know which laws are being used, so I'll know if you're going about this in the right way."
 I see. And, may I ask who you are?"
  "Well, I'm John Jackson."
  "Are you a member of the media?"
  "No, I'm John Jackson."
  "You've reached our media relations department. I'm afraid you need to be a member of the media if I'm to help you."
 "I see. Well, I looked through your website and you don't have anyone else I can contact. Yours is the only phone number the agency lists."
 "Yes."
 "I'm one of your stockholders, so I thought maybe it would be okay if I called, even if I'm not a member of the press."
 "What do you mean you are a stockholder? Actually, the government doesn't have stockholders."
   "Actually, it does. Well, maybe not in the strict sense of the term, but this is my government and I run it."
   "I see. I wonder who appointed you to such a high position."
   "Abraham Lincoln did."
   "Abraham Lincoln?"
   "Yes, he was giving something called the Gettysburg Address and he said something about government of the people, by the people, and for the people. That would be me."    
   "I see."
  "Ever since then, I've pretty much thought of this as my government."
  "I see. Well, you're not a member of the press. Do you realize what a nightmare it would be if we tried to take calls from everyone in the public, answering every question they have? We simply don't have time."
   "Make time. I'm one of your stockholders."
   "Have you filed a Freedom of Information inquiry?"
   "Too much paperwork. I'm a stockholder. I'll just call you up and you'll answer my questions. It's a lot simpler that way."
   "I see. If you were a member of the press, I'd be glad to help you."
   "What if I were a congressman, or a mayor or head of a government agency?"
   "Yes, I suppose I could help you then."
   "Well, those are my people. Think of them as my minions, if you will. I tell them what to do."
   "I see."
   "I don't like the way you think you only have to answer to them. And, I especially don't appreciate the way you think you only have to answer to the press."
   "Well, yes, like I said, we've only got time to answer to so many people. The press represents you in getting information."
   "I didn't elect them. I never gave the press permission to take anything from me."
   "And, what are they taking from you?"
   "My right to talk to you, to get some answers. You said you'd help me if I were a member of the press, but since I'm not, you're not going to help me."
   "But, this is media relations . . ."
   "The press doesn't run this country. I do. So, I'm going to have to ask you to quit answering so much to them and start answering more to me."
  At that point, the government hung up on me. I was left thinking that if government truly were government of the people, by the people and for the people, then, yes, it would make information more accessible to us, the public.

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