If Brian Biasholder were Kavanaugh's Defense Attorney

  Rising to his feet, the defense attorney strode over to the table, touched his forefinger to th bottom of his chin, and exclaimed, "I know these are my opening remarks. I know I am allowed to call witnesses, but that will not be necessary. I would but to make a few simple statements, to call your attention to a single simple fact, and I think that as a defense, we are ready to rest our case."
  The judge looked up befuddledly. He had never heard of the defense resting after just a few quick statements. "Excuse me, but I would encourage you not to do this," he said. "This is highly unusual, and the prosecutor will be at such an advantage, as he will surely not be resting, but will continue on presenting his case to the fullest without you to contest a word."
  "Oh, don't you worry, your honor, I know what I am doing. When you hear what my single piece of evidence is, you will agree with me. You'll probably bring down your gavel and say, 'Case closed.'"
   The judge eyed him suspiciously, but allowed him to continue.
   "Your honor, we are here to determine if one Brett Kavanaugh is guilty. He has been charged with sexually assaulting a certain Christine Blasey Ford. Your honor, we know this charge is wrong. It's dishonest. It's a trumped up charge."
   "Proceed," said the judge. "How do we know it is false?"
    The defense attorney grinned a bit, as if he had the whole world caught in a trap and he was wily enough to know it. "Yes, and how do we know it?" He was walking with his back to the jurors. "Yes," he repeated, softer this time, "how do we know it?"
   He suddenly spun around, and threw his arms in the air. "How do we know it?!" he shouted. "These accusations were brought to us by a Democrat. Christine Blasey Ford is a democrat! Her lawyer is a democrat! The lady Ford told about this -- the same lady that leaked all this -- Dianne Feinstein, she's  . . . " He strung out a pause for effect, and then screamed, "a democrat!"
   He chortled, and threw out his arms again. "They're all Democrats! Does anyone expect us to believe them? Need I to remind you that this is the party that brought us Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton, and Nancy Pelosi -- and Dianne Feinstein! They're liars! They are a party of liars and this is a patented Democratic lie!"
   The judge did lightly tap his gavel, but not to say the case was closed. "Please, Mr. Biasholder" (for that was the defense attorney's name), "I ask you not to leave your case at this. What party Ford belongs to has nothing to do with whether she was sexually assaulted. Can't you see that? You are being grossly unfair."
  "No, your honor. I know the facts. I can see them. You can see them. The jury can see them. Democrats lie. So, they made this all up. It's just another Democratic Party lie. That's all that this is, and everyone can see it! The evidence is clear! The evidence is clear!"
   He swung his head from the judge to the jury and then back to the judge. "Your honor, I rest my case. With evidence such as this, I need to give no further argument."
   He smiled smugly, as if he had just cleverly outsmarted all the world.

(Note: Headline changed 10/19/18)