The Day Corporate Personhood was Abolished

   Getting up that morning after the constitutional amendment passed, declaring that corporations aren't people, and stripping them of their constitutional rights, I turned on the radio to hear how a law was approved in  early morning session, saying employers could not refuse to hire someone on the basis of their inability to do the job.
   "But, we have the right to hire someone who is qualified," the corporations had argued.
   "No, you don't. As of this morning, you have no rights, not so much as the right to be weighing in with your opinion on this matter," the sponsor of the bill had responded.
   That was at 9 a.m. At 10, news broke that the court just struck down employers right to fire employees. "You have no rights," the judge declared, "except the right to remain silent."
   At 11, I wheeled back to my radio, anxious to hear the latest news, and learned a court was ruling employers would no longer be allowed to set wages. Instead, an independent commission would regulate pay for all industries, setting rates that would be fair to all employees. "But, sir, we should have the right to set our own pay rates," a corporate officer had tried to tell the judge.
   "You will be silent," the judge had responded. "You are in a court of law, and have no standing here that you should be rendered any justice. This is a court of the people and the rights of the people are reserved to the people, not to corporations."
   "But, sir, . . ." the corporate lawyer had tried to interject.
   "Be quiet!" came the reply. "One more outburst like that and you'll be hauled away."
   "You cannot do that," the lawyer responded. "I remain a person. I do have personal rights. You cannot just toss me in jail."
   "True," the judge said. "If you are to argue of your personal rights, I will listen. You have not lost those, not your personal rights. But, Mr. Campbell, I cannot have you speaking as an officer of a corporation in this courtroom. It is simply beneath the dignity of this court to be listening to something that is not even a person. Do you understand that, Mr. Campbell?"
   At noon, there was a flood of news. No more would the Catholics or any other entity have the right to argue that they should not be required to provide contraceptives in insurance policies, nor would any church ever be allowed to deny its members abortions, nor dictate to them that they should not have them.Churches would not be allowed to advertise in any political fashion, nor would any business. Corporations and other entities would no longer be allowed to buy any political advertisements. Corporations would no longer be allowed to defend themselves when lawsuits were brought against them, but, rather, would be assigned a lawyer of the people who would strip any arguments on their behalf down to only the rights they possessed as individuals, not companies . . .  and the news went on and on.
   At 1, I again turned on my radio, not imagining that anything else could be done to strip corporations of rights that they should not possess, since they were not people and since only people have rights. 
   "Breaking news," the announcer said. "We have just learned, that on executive order from the president, all corporations are now banned. The events of this morning have made it clear that corporations have no rights. And, if they have no rights, they have no stature, they have no standing, no being, and they cease to have any value to even exist. So, by order of the president, all corporations are hereby dissolved. All vestiges of the corporations are hereby transferred to the people. The people are hereby free from the corporations. They  are no longer encumbered by them. From this hour on, the people will answer only to themselves, and no longer to the corporations. Corporations are not people, and this nation has today freed itself of corporate personhood
   I stared down at the rug, contemplating it all. It sure seemed the whole thing had gotten quite out of hand. As I reflected on the argument that corporations are not people, and therefore have no rights, I wondered what exactly we had expected would happen, if we were to declare that corporations had no rights. No rights? No rights at all?
   We should have known it would come to this. 

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