Me and the Gun Have a Sit-Down Talk

I don't like the gun. Even if it had all the virtues ascribed to it -- and it does have some --I do not like it. It was created to send people to their death, and that is what it does. I simply refuse to "make nice" with what I view to be a mostly evil-inflicting tool.

But, we are on talking terms -- me and the gun -- and yesterday it interviewed me, just to tie down where our relationship is at. Ours is a strained relationship, and it was just trying to make things better between us.

Gun: What is our relationship -- where do I stand with you?
Me: We don't have a relationship. Never have. We might be on talking terms, but we are not friends -- at all.

Gun: Do you mind me asking some more questions, just to find out what it is you don't like about me?

Me: Not at all. Fire away. You are always firing away; I don't think you'll have any problem now.

Gun: You know there is no way you can get rid of me, don't you? Not with the way Americans feel about guns.

Me: I know. It's very unfortunate, but we can't get rid of guns because there are too many people who honestly like you. Americans have been trained up from their childhood up that you are part of their Constitutional rights. They have been taught that they need the gun to protect their families and to ward off tyranny. There would be an uproar -- an outright uproar, outrage and revolt -- if we got rid of you.

Gun: Do you think police officers use me to go around killing people?
Me: That might be a little much. Most police officers are good people, and don't do that.

Gun: I mean, any at all --  are there any police officers killing folks when they shouldn't?

Me: Of course. Our police officers are cut from the fabric of the general public. Bad people exist. That part of society doesn't disappear just because you are hiring a police force. The gun that can be misused by a common criminal can be misused by a police officer.

Gun: Do you think I'm to blame for mass murders?
Me: The mass murder and you are partners in crime. Nothing makes it so easy to kill a large amount of people very quickly than you do. When it comes to mass murders, you are the weapon of choice. 

Gun: Even though you don't like me, I've got my friends -- lot's of them. And, if more people were lovers of guns, I could stop all the home invasions, all the mass murders, all the times women are assaulted walking down the street. I alone can do these things. I, alone can save our country. People know I'm great. They know I'm good and that I do nothing but good. You know that, too, don't you? You just won't admit it.

Me: Spare your sanctimony. You might have some good characteristics, but you overstate them. Yes, there are times you step in and save people, but there would be fewer assaults to begin with if it weren't for you.

Gun: What do you mean by that? There would be less, and you know it. The more of me, the better. Spread me around. Go out and buy a gun. The more of me there is, the more good I can do.

Me: No. Just the opposite. The fewer times we see your face around here, the better. We speak of the proliferation of the gun, and of how the more people who have it, the more times it will be used. It's true. It's simple arithmetic. But, the term "thick as thieves" is what you're all about.

Gun: You're making me mad, and we all know what happens when I get mad. You better say you're sorry. 

Me: That's the other thing about you. You empower anger. Yes, I know what you do when you get angry -- you kill people.

Gun: That's just me helping. When someone makes you mad, I can help. I can put them in their place. And, if both have guns, I can help them both.

Me: Might makes right, then. Is that what you're saying? The guy with the bigger weapon wins the war. All you do is escalate things and make them worse. If one person has a gun, the other goes to get one. Everyone knows that when two people get mad at each other, they start swinging at each other. If they just had their fists, it would just be a fist fight. But if guns are present, it becomes a gun fight. 

Gun: Just one more thing. You know I'm a patriot, don't you? In fact, I'm the ultimate patriot. Everyone who uses me flies a flag. Can't you make that connection?  My friends are the true lovers of freedom in this world. You know that, don't you? If you really loved freedom, you'd go out and buy a gun too.

Me: You'd have me believe that, if you could. To me, though, a patriot and a good guy isn't someone who tries to associate themselves with goodness by waving a flag. Death isn't freedom. If you're saying I can't be a patriot unless I have a gun, I'll just defy you and be a patriot anyway.

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